Nunzio Fartalone was not "born" in any literal sense. He was "spawned". Extensive carbon dating of Nunzio's tissues at the Berkeley Institute (Anthropology department) places his spawning at roughly 2.7 billion years ago, during the
(Precambrian) period. Here is a
Chart of Geological Time
detailing Nunzio's evolution. Nunzio was bacterial in nature at the beginning of his development and the atmosphere consisted of methane, ammonia, and other gases which would be toxic to most life on our planet today. Even today Nunzio retains much of the original and horribly foul methane gas from the Archaean period in his body tissues. That is why he is always considerate of others and "farts alone" (as his last name fully implies). Eventually, Nunzio evolved, developed rudimentary lungs, and started breathing oxygen. Nunzio doesn't age the same way as the rest of humanity does. By our standards he is ancient. But by his reckoning he is still a child (and acts as such). So from this point onward, when we refer to Nunzio as a child, that reference is from Nunzio's perspective. You will see another reference to Nunzio below indicating an age of 4 years. In reality, add a few billion more to that.
Nunzio "grew up" in the Bronx and later moved to Freeport, New York. Since May 1998 (after an alien abduction), he has been living in the
(part of the Martian lowlands), where many of the largest volcanoes of Mars are located. Situated next to the Tharsis Ridge is
, a very long canyon of Mars.
When time permits, Nunzio travels to the canyon's edge and contemplates life and...
alien anal probes
...as he takes in the scenery.
As a child, Nunzio would torment other children of his age as well as younger ones. There was one instance where he attempted to rid himself of the affections of his baby sister by throwing her from a second-story porch at his parents' Bronx residence. Happily, Nunzio's baby sister survived when her fall was broken by a bush, although she was severely scratched and cut in several places (it was a thorned rose-bush).
Special Note of Interest:
Nunzio was only 4 years old at the time of the above incident.
News Clipping from 2006:
Some of Nunzio's Favorite Quotes:
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did!"
Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look just like a deer.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable... until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a human head!!!
Whenever somebody asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arms behind his back, and say, "NOW who's asking the questions?"
If trees could scream, would we be so quick to cut them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
It's true that every time you hear a bell ring, an angel gets his wings. But what they don't tell you is, every time you hear a mousetrap snap, an angel gets set on fire.
Read about the modified Moving Image script used above